incelligent | SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

Entry tags:

voicetesting;

SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

I've got a question.

CONFIRM/DENY:

Horny (adj.) The state of having or possessing horns, somewhere on the person of someone or something.
Example: That big ol' rhinocerous right there? He's one horny guy.

P.S. Horn (n.) Not to be mistaken for a horned instrument. Think 👿 not 🎺
P.P.S. A rhinocerous or "rhino" for short is a mammal with thick skin and ivory tusks (horns) found in specific regions of my home world. For those of you who may not know what they are, here's a picture for reference. See what I mean? Big horny guys!

[*This post is open for anyone and all voicetesting! Take it as an old Meadowlark network post with the simon.laurent handle, or anywhere on the interdimensional interwebs. Love you all! Hope you're staying safe.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[And this is much of the reason that Simon gravitates towards Lance.

Perhaps it's foolish, but every time that Simon feels like a failure, or is frustrated with the very banalities of human interaction, Lance has some kind of answer or platitude that makes him feel better.

Even moreso, he actually seems to mean it.]

Lance?

[He thinks of others who made or make him feel similarly secure.

Wade. Shinobu. Fenris.

John.]

What do you do when you're feelin' like...

You're all by yourself? Even when there's people around, like...

[Simon lets out a small, sad chuckle.]

And when I say you, I mean you. Lance.

Not Mr. Nice Guy. Or whoever it is you're supposed to be when you're answerin' all my crazeball questies.

[Please just say questions.]

[Oof, that's a question. It's also a question that Lance thinks he--Lance, himself, not the psychologist who academically knows the right answers--may not be the best person to ask, but he doesn't really want to get into that.

So he hesitates a few seconds before he can figure out exactly how he wants to answer, especially since Simon specifically asked for genuine, personal advice. Though, speaking of that--]

Hey, I like to think Lance and Mr. Nice Guy are the same person like, 80% of the time.

[The rest of the time not so much, but whatever. And okay, getting serious again--]

It really just depends. There's different kinds of being alone, and some of them can only be fixed by making connections with people, but with others it's more about just being okay with it. Being alone isn't always a bad thing.

Well, you are a nice guy.

You spend, like, all of your time helpin' people.

[That last piece of advice does get Simon thinking.]

I guess I do love me some good old fashioned Simon Time.

[Simon Time. Gosh, revolting.]

That's when I get to writin', or... Painting my miniatures.

That is nice. I just sorta get to be me. Without anybody calling me a dork or whatever.

Thanks.

[He'd argue that he doesn't spend all his time helping people, but he's learning to just take compliments and then promptly deflect.]

Exactly. It's nice to have time to yourself to do what you want to do, to not be focusing on interacting with other people, and generally just be yourself. Being okay with being with yourself--and being okay with who you are--makes it a lot easier to handle it when you feel alone.

But see, that's the thing!

I'm okay with who I am.

[no ur not honey]

It's just that other people aren't.

[um, also, who you are is disgusting??? simon. simon ratfink laurent]

[Somehow that's not even a little convincing.]

If you're okay with who you are, then why do you care if other people aren't?

Because it's a pain in the

[Lance would be right about that.]

Ugh! Gosh.

I'd just like to be able to go around doin' the things that make me happy without all the, y'know... Judgment?

[Simon, one of those hobbies is straight up train murder.]

Like, okay! So my hobbies are a little specific. And yeah! I like to be prepared for stuff. How does that automatically make me a dork?

Edited 2021-04-08 07:19 (UTC)

People are always going to judge. Sometimes they'll even judge the same thing completely opposite ways at different times, depending on how it suits them.

[This happens to him a lot; it's annoying as hell, so he very much gets the complaint, but--]

You can't control what other people think about you. It's easier said than done, but as long as you're not hurting anyone then keep doing whatever hobbies make you happy.

You always make everything sound so easy.

[Straightforward. Like it just makes so much sense. Also, that first comment? A callout, though Simon doesn't realize it.]

Like... Do you even get lonely? I

[Simon doesn't realize it's just because Lance doesn't really... Show it.]

I don't even know.

Almost everyone gets lonely, at least sometimes.

[And he could leave it at that, because indeed he just doesn't like to show that sort of thing; it's so easy to give too much away, and almost always more to his advantage to maintain the appearance of knowing what he's talking about academically but not personally.

But that's one of those things he's been trying to do less, and so after a moment he continues.]

I'm good at making it sound easy because I have a lot of practice. If you're alone a lot, whether because you don't know anyone or you can't find people who accept you or whatever other reason, learning to handle it--even as much as that might suck--is better than the alternatives.

No it's not!

[He may be talking about the Train, or even before.

But Simon knows what's that is like.]

It's not.

That's a lie.

Being alone is just the worst. Like, not physically? But

[It's why being here in New Amsterdam is so hard.]

Like in your heart.

It's awful. There's nothing there! All you have is yourse

[Shit, shit, shit.]

Nobody.

There are going to just be times when you're alone, and that's part of life; you can't make people stay with you, or care about you, or anything else, and you can't always control what happens to you either.

That's why you have to be able to be okay with only having yourself, at least during times when you're in-between finding the people you belong with. But those times don't last forever.

[Sometimes they last far longer than they should, but they always end.]

But to be okay with yourself, y... you

[Oof. Is this a breakthrough? This might actually be a breakthrough.]

You have to be a good person. And! I am a good person. I know that! I'm doing somethin' important, to help other people, other kids who were lost like me...

[But then why is being alone, really being alone, without Grace or the Apex-]

But I guess, sometimes, in my heart like I said before...

It just doesn't feel that way.

But that's stupid. Like, seriously.

It can't be true.

[Honestly it's more self-awareness than a whole lot of people Lance talks to have.]

Even the best people aren't 'good' all the time, and being a 'good person' is a very broad category. It isn't the same for everyone, and good people can still do things they aren't proud of. In fact, most do, at least occasionally.

If sometimes you don't feel like a good person, it's okay to really think about and consider why that is. If it's something you think you've done wrong then you can fix it, and if it's just your brain playing tricks on you then you can learn to recognize that.

But if there are things about yourself that truly make you unhappy with who you are, that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you're still improving, and that you care to improve means a lot in itself.

I just wanna stop feeling sad.

You will. Who we are and how we feel are works in progress, and for better or worse we don't stay the same forever.

[But this is also something he may be able to help more specifically with, and so he has to ask--]

What makes you the most sad? Right now, anyway.

[They talked about the loneliness and if that's the answer he won't be surprised, but he also won't be surprised if that's masking a different problem.]

Making new friends is so hard!

[he sounds 10 but um,,, considering like

the series of unfortunate events that were simon's life-]

Most of the people I know are just stickin' around because they feel sorry for me.

I'm fine! I'm not just some weird little kid, I

I swear, I can be good at things.

[All the wrong things, unfortunately.

In all fairness, a part of that is how he survived for this long.]

[Okay so that's like three separate issues all shoved in there together.]

Making new friends is really hard. I was so bad at it as a teenager and I'm really not that much better at it now, so it's not just you, if that makes you feel any better.

[Sometimes hearing an adult sucks just as bad as you do at something is depressing, but sometimes it's validating. He's not totally sure which it'll be in this case, but it's the best new approach he's got, since he's been over most of his usual advice for this subject already.]

But you do get better at it with time, and I've found out that people rarely actually stick around out of pity. It's easy to believe that they do, but that's almost always not the case.

I'm sure you can be--and are--good at things. You're clearly good at your hobbies, and at articulating how you feel; the latter skill is a lot more unusual than you might expect.

Really?

[Simon is perhaps a little too good at articulating how he feels. He really should get better at listening. Hearing that from Lance sounds comforting, though a tad unbelievable. He is kind and non-threatening, helpful.

In no way as selfish.]

I just wish I was better at things that were cooler.

And, I guess I am, but it doesn't really matter here.

Which part, being bad at making friends? Yeah, very true.

[Depressingly, almost pathetically true.]

Cooler in what sense?

Just because your skills might not be as flashy as some of the ones other people here have doesn't mean they don't matter.

[He meant the good at communication thing, but, yeah that works too-]

I know.

It's just that... Everyone always seems to prefer the flashy stuff.

Yeah, but half the people here would probably also be entertained by jingling keys.

[So, you know. Who cares.]

Why jingle a buncha keys when you could rub two knives together?

[SIMON]

Provided that, y'know, you don't blunt 'em too much.

I wouldn't really trust any of the people I'm talking about to be anywhere near knives. Better to just stick with the keys, or like, maybe some brightly colored tinsel.

When it comes to handlin' sharp pointy things, you really gotta take proper precautions. You don't wanna poke an eye out and end up like Lucy.

[...Ah, right. Lance wouldn't know who that is.]

She's fine. She can still see with um... One of her eyes.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

CHRIST CW???? UM??? I DONT EVEN KNOW