SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

[incelligent]

I've got a question.

CONFIRM/DENY:

Horny (adj.) The state of having or possessing horns, somewhere on the person of someone or something.
Example: That big ol' rhinocerous right there? He's one horny guy.

P.S. Horn (n.) Not to be mistaken for a horned instrument. Think 👿 not 🎺
P.P.S. A rhinocerous or "rhino" for short is a mammal with thick skin and ivory tusks (horns) found in specific regions of my home world. For those of you who may not know what they are, here's a picture for reference. See what I mean? Big horny guys!

[*This post is open for anyone and all voicetesting! Take it as an old Meadowlark network post with the simon.laurent handle, or anywhere on the interdimensional interwebs. Love you all! Hope you're staying safe.]

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

Did your grandmother make them, or someone else?

[He's only guessing based on Simon's choice of words, and the answer could go either way, but this is an easy and pretty safe way to ask a little about Simon's family. Lance never had any grandparents himself, so he's always a little curious about stories about them.]

[incelligent]

Sometimes?

She wasn't around for very long, though.

You could say I didn't really know her.

[lifetothefullest]

[There goes that idea of subtly finding stuff out; that's too vague for him to work with without asking directly, and he doesn't want to do that. He gets the sense there's something unusual about the situation, from the wording Simon uses.]

I'm sorry to hear that. Did you have any other grandparents?

[incelligent]

Technically... Yeah?

But practically... No?

[Meaning he's never met them.]

[lifetothefullest]

[Hm.]

My parents were older, so I didn't know any grandparents either.

[Not for the same reason it seems, but he offers the comment so that Simon hopefully doesn't feel put on the spot and the exchange is more even.]

[incelligent]

Can't say you really missed much.

Mostly, they smell funny, hug you so tight that you can't really breathe anymore, and tell you you're "handsome" even though they've got a crazy strong prescription and can barely see two feet in front of 'em.

[SIMON THAT IS REALLY RUDE...]

[lifetothefullest]

[That is so not the response he was expecting, but it's kind of hilarious.]

Maybe that's why they do the hugging, so they can get you close enough to see.

aSDFLKAFASFJASKDFJ SIMON....

[incelligent]

Ew.

[lifetothefullest]

Hey, I didn't say it was a good thing.

IMM LIKE CRY LAUGHING THIS IS SO AWFUL

[incelligent]

It definitely isn't.

The smell gets worse the closer they are.

THEY'RE DUMB AS HELL

[lifetothefullest]

Terrible.

Is it better or worse than being hugged by someone with too much perfume on?

HOW IS THIS GETTING WORSE

[incelligent]

Uh, worse?

Mostly 'cause... I'm pretty sure with perfume you can just wash the stink off.

I dunno if you can really do that with the Stench of Ye Olde™.

BECAUSE NO ONE'S STOPPING THEM

[lifetothefullest]

I don't know about that; have you ever tried getting perfume out of a suit?

[incelligent]

Whoa, whoa! Hey there, man.

Didn't take you for that kind of secret agent.

[BRUH 💀💀💀💀

wink wonk]

Then again, you do always manage to surprise me.

[lifetothefullest]

I'm going to just take that as a compliment and then also ignore it.

[incelligent]

Sooo, who's the lucky gal?

[Now he's just being irritating on purpose.]

Or guy! Or, y'know what, could be an alien sharkmonster for all I know.

[Because um... With everything he's seen here... That's a possibility.]

You got a type or somethin'?

[lifetothefullest]

[Oh no how has this conversation taken this turn.]

An alien sharkmonster would be pretty cool.

[But deflection aside, he could lie. He could even tell half the truth and probably get away with it no problem. But isn't he trying not to do that so much?]

My girlfriend doesn't wear terrible perfume, I just get randomly hugged by people during cases sometimes.

[He's also ignoring the question about if he has a type, because he definitely does and is also not getting into it.]

[incelligent]

You have a girlfriend?

[Wow literally everybody is spoken for except for him. Wtf?

And then, more sincerely (wow this is real progress here, a sign of how much he Actually Likes Lance):]

What's she like?

[lifetothefullest]

[It's a good thing this is text, because he doesn't have to worry about hiding his expression or keeping his voice steady.]

Yeah. Her name's Daisy.

She's really smart, and really... Vibrant, I guess, is a good word. Like I have no idea how she has so much energy all the time, but she's always just so into whatever she's working on or whatever puzzle she's trying to solve.

She's also a genuinely kind person, all the time, even when she's worried or upset.

[He hasn't seen her in years now, and misses her so much.]

[incelligent]

[Lance and Daisy. Daisy and Lance.

To Simon, their names sound like they make sense together. So his other half, too, is the talkative one. The flashier one, more vibrant and outgoing.

He doesn't realize it, but being in this place has brought him out of his narrow-minded fog, at least slightly. Ever so slightly. He's finally beginning to feel-]

You must really miss her.

[Bad.]

How long've you guys been together?

You don't have to answer if you don't wanna. I... Get how that kinda thing might mess you up.

[is this personal growth holy shit]

[lifetothefullest]

[It would be bad enough if it were just this, that he hadn't seen his girlfriend in years, but there's more. But trying to be more open or not, there are some things he's not prepared to even think about, let alone talk about, and so he doesn't mention them.

He does notice the thoughtfulness of Simon's last comments, and he appreciates them, but this question is okay to answer.]

We've known each other for about seven years, but only dated for I think five of that.

[They were so very on-again-off-again, but it had worked for them. And they were always 'off' because of Lance's decisions, which is something he's very aware of.]

What about you? Is there someone you like?

[Girl, boy, alien sharkmonster, whatever.]

[incelligent]

[Seven years?

He's known Grace for eight. At the sound of that, he replies, as though it were a kneejerk response-]

No.

[lifetothefullest]

[That's not even slightly a suspiciously short answer, but he'll give Simon the same courtesy that Simon gave him and not press further.]

That might be a good thing, considering the whole situation of being here.

[incelligent]

It seems like everyone else here already has somebody.

[Ooh, look who is bitter and opening up anyway.]

[lifetothefullest]

Most people here are a lot older than you are, and have had more time to find a person they want to be with.