SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

[incelligent]

I've got a question.

CONFIRM/DENY:

Horny (adj.) The state of having or possessing horns, somewhere on the person of someone or something.
Example: That big ol' rhinocerous right there? He's one horny guy.

P.S. Horn (n.) Not to be mistaken for a horned instrument. Think 👿 not 🎺
P.P.S. A rhinocerous or "rhino" for short is a mammal with thick skin and ivory tusks (horns) found in specific regions of my home world. For those of you who may not know what they are, here's a picture for reference. See what I mean? Big horny guys!

[*This post is open for anyone and all voicetesting! Take it as an old Meadowlark network post with the simon.laurent handle, or anywhere on the interdimensional interwebs. Love you all! Hope you're staying safe.]

Comments

[unkindled_madness]

Unfortunately, that isn't its common usage.

un: AsmoBaby

[ilovebutts]

Is this a message to the world to say horny guys make you horny?
How bold of you! ❤️
Sometimes I have horns... does that excite you?

[incelligent]

Um, no? What would other guys havin' horns have to do with horns growin' outta my own head? I don't have any.

And uh, I guess they're kinda cool.

[Simon, NO-]

How big are they?

[incelligent]

Huh? But that's just stupid.

[...SWEATS NERVOUSLY]

What else could it possibly mean?

[unkindled_madness]

...you really don't know?

[How old is this person??]

[lifetothefullest]

Did something prompt this question?

[What is the story here. There must be one.]

[incelligent]

Ugh, no! No, I don't.

It doesn't make any sense.

[Not young enough to misunderstand the concept behind the term, but isolated.

From the ages of ten to eighteen, Simon has spent every waking moment of his life on a train with fantastical creatures, some other small children, and his friend Grace. That's a lot of pop culture he's missed out on, along with many other things, like discipline, boundaries... And well, love.

Healthy, normal relationships.]

Slang across universes shouldn't be this consistent. God, we're not even all from the same time period, for cryin' out loud! But when I use this particular word, everyone starts to laugh at me.

[And boy oh boy, does he hate that.]

I know I should look it up on the search engine doohickey or whatever, but what if the definition here isn't applicable to all the others? How am I supposed to

[He doesn't really act his age, though.

Simon has grown up without any parental guidance.]

UGGGGGH

[incelligent]

[sc REAMS]







uh huh

[unkindled_madness]

[Not that Sephiroth had a normal upbringing either, but having spent nearly a decade in the company of young men at war...... yeah, there's certain slang you're going to pick up on.

He's never had to explain it though.

But, not explaining it would feel like contributing to some sort of ongoing prank at this person's expense. That's not his style either.]

It's a sexual term.

Meaning aroused.

[antihistamine]

omg
what is this

[ like, thirty seconds later: ]

have u heard of zords??

[incelligent]

Huh? Oh, yeah!

[Finally, someone who speaks his language. Or so he thinks.]

Zords = Zebra overlords, Train Car #4627. Standard null garbage. They talk and wear silly hats n' stuff.

I take it you're a passenger, too? Boy, howdy! Hiya. I was beginning to think I would never see another one of you.

What's your number?

[FOR REFERENCE... HE DOESN'T MEAN HER CELL, HE MEANS THIS]

1/3

[incelligent]

2/3

[incelligent]

3/3

[incelligent]

HUH???

[antihistamine]

wtf

[ ??? ]


if this is some weirdo pua trick
it's weird!!!!
and won't work hth

[incelligent]

Pua? I've encountered plenty o' nulls back in my day, but uh, haven't run into that one as of yet.

[Maybe she was pulled from the Train at an early time point. When he first boarded, he didn't understand anything either.]

Now, back to numbers. Or I guess, your number, specifically.

Y'know, super cool, pretty special... Green glowy thing? Typically starts out in the palm of your hand? Chances are you didn't have it back home.

I don't usually like to brag, but mine goes all the way up my arm. Can't say I didn't work hard to get it all the way up there.

[unkindled_madness]

I believe I was clear.

[If... succinct. If a more in-depth explanation is required, he really doesn't want to be the one to give it.]

i am so sorry

[incelligent]

B-but... IF that IS the true mEANIN g of

the word

[It's not as though he doesn't believe the guy...]

Why would they use that terminology? Is it because

[this is M O R T I F Y I NG]

of the physical similarities bet...ween...

[ ST. OP]

[unkindled_madness]

[Sephiroth is really not sure why a person would replicate a stammer in their texting... Why broadcast your embarrassment?]

Probably. I've never thought about it.

Some people will take nearly anything to be phallic.

[He says, as a person accustomed to wielding a 7-foot sword.]

[incelligent]

[Because it is thinkytext, and because, oddly enough...

Simon is honest about all the wrong things.]

I see.

[Simon clears his throat-]

Thank you for your helpful input, mister... Or, weh, I dunno, I guess it could be miss, too-

[He reads the username.]

Sephiroth? Whoa-hoah! Cool name. 🤩

Sounds like you fight 👾s or somethin'.

[unkindled_madness]

[It's... been a while since anyone's commented on his name. People used to say it was strange. Then they decided it was better not to say anything.

"Cool" is a new one.]

It's just Sephiroth. "Mister" is unnecessary.

[And the surname he's been using isn't actually his.]

What is 👾?

[Some kind of... sea creature? He doesn't know.]

[incelligent]

Oh! It's just Simon for me, too. Some people started callin' me by my last name and I had to tell them to cut it out. Don't wanna be answering to somethin' that sounds like it's from the school principal. Eugh.

[He hasn't been to school for quite sometime.]

Oh! It's an alien, or a monster? Like one of the little guys in a video game. Usually, you shoot or nuke 'em before leveling up.

Ever played one of those?

[unkindled_madness]

No.

[Not that video games aren't a thing in his world, but the closest he's come to playing them are battle sims. Mostly, though, he's stuck to the real thing.]

I have fought monsters.

[lifetothefullest]

What happened?

[Is he asking for context so he can be helpful? Yes. He is also asking because he wants to hear whatever the ridiculous story might be? Also yes.]

i just realize how bad this sounds without context

[incelligent]

I made a new friend?

[This is not untrue.]