incelligent | IC INBOX; POLYMYTHOS

_{[ Akira pauses and watches Simon react, his slitted eyes growing at the blond's response. He idly lets the water run down the pelt on his legs. ]}

Uh. I'm not sure, really. It's been recent.

_{[ Help the others, huh? ]}

Sorry. I'm not really interested in helping others or really going off of someone's poor judgment of me to improve myself. I'll be my own judge of myself.

_{[ The hose lifts and Akira pours it over his head, stretching out his little winged ears and then rinsing behind them. ]}

You're being obsessive about it again. Not everything in life has be on a ranking system.
Come here and let me hold this over you so you can also rinse off.

_{[ He's taller this way so it's like a shower! Isn't that what you wanted, Simon? ]}

But if I don't know how I'm doing, how am I supposed to know what I'm worth? Without ranks or numbers, I just feel like I'm-

[Nothing.

And therein lies the problem. Numbers, charts, and analytics make everything simpler. They've all been there for Simon to set some sort of standard, to know who he is by virtue of comparison and supposedly concrete facts. Outside of his friendship with Grace, creepy little hobbies, and leadership of the Apex, he's had no opportunity to develop realistic goals.

Simon looks down, watching his visual perspective warp, quite literally, as he zones out. The ground looks further than it should be.]

So this is supposed to be fun?

[ Nervous fingers curl into a soft towel.]

I'd have to take my towel off.

You're Simon. And there's nothing wrong with that.

_{[ Akira interjects, cause he knows where that thought was going. He has often felt that way about himself before he merged with Amon. He holds up the hose and beckons Simon closer. ]}

I'll hold this for you.. you just shower. You can keep the towel on in this part of you want, it'll just get wet and we'll have to get you another one.

_{[ Akira tips his head slightly. ]}

... I'm not making you uncomfortable, am I?

[But without all that... Is he really Simon?

Simon has measured his worth in tangible things. Numbers can be counted, but so can victories and even favors. He knows just how much he's done for his best friend, and while he'd say he doesn't regret it, he has tallied each and every tender gesture and soft utterance in his mind. All the while knowing full well that even in that regard, when the tables are turned, Grace will always beat hm.]

No.

[Idly, he finally pulls his hairtie off, revealing blond locks that fall about his shoulders. The ring of elastic remains betwixt his fingers. Simon doesn't really care whether or not it gets wet. He stands where he's supposed to.]

I've just never done this before.

_{[ The tiniest and fangiest smile reaches his face as Simon settles underneath the water stream. He’s feeling a bit of nostalgia— although he never formed close bonds with peers, he remembered bathing with them. For a moment, he feels a little bit of giddy happiness just cause he’s having a moment with someone he finally feels like he can trust.. to an extent. He almost forgets to talk for a moment. ]}

Oh.. right. Once you’re rinsed.. if you didn’t mind getting my wings and back.. I would like that.

_{[ He will return the favor but in his human form once Simon has cleaned the spots he can’t reach. He wouldn’t want his claws to accidentally scrape his companion. ]}

... Why are you obsessed with getting home, Simon? Do you still have people you care about there and you don’t like being separated from them?

_{[ Akira would feel the same way if he had anyone left so he would understand. ]}

Well, yeah, my other half, she's-

[The sound of water hitting the marble beneath their feet is strong enough to prevent him from sharing more than he bargained for. It's not quite a drum beat, but the pitter-patter is loud.]

My best friend's still back there. We've got the Apex now, but for years, it was just me and her.

[There is a desperation in his voice, wild and a little bit unsteady but laced with yearning instead of fear. From the first minute, she had decided to be friends. Grace was so good at that.

Is. She is fine. She's not here, but she's not gone, she's-]

All these years, she's always been there for me. She made every day feel special and fun, even though things were really hard for such a long time.

[He doesn't mention that whenever she does one of those well-practiced, agile twirls of hers, the world seems to stop even though she continues spinning.]

We take care of each other.

She needs me.

[Or, rather, he needs her.]

Sorry, you asked me somethin' else. What was that?

[im so mad he missed the cute lil fangy smile bc of his own PERSONAL draMAH smh]

Edited 2021-06-02 06:33 (UTC)

_{[ As Simon talks, Akira is reminded of Miki, and it makes his teeth gnash because although it's been over a year, he is still immensely bitter and still feeling a lot of loss. Steam puffs from his nostrils, but it gets lost in the mist of the water. ]}

I understand. I used to have someone like that.

_{[ He's not ready to discuss exactly what happened and he pushes the hose into Simon's hands along with a bar of soap. Akira shifts and crouches back on his haunches in front of Simon. Please wash those hard spots. ]}

.. I asked why you wanted to go back home so badly, but I think I understand now. You want to go back to your special person. That's a valid and noble reason.

_{[ He pushes his wings out to their fullest span (which is about 10 feet) and steadies them. ]}

Wash me, please.

_{[ It's a firm command, but he's polite about it. ]}

Right! Yeah, you... Mentioned that before, I-

[Simon catches himself, although it's not the first time. He has a tendency to drift into the many "realities" he has created for himself, but here it is dangerous. He has yet to discover a safe hideaway where he can make his stupid little miniatures and craft his shoddily written tales. Maybe it's for the best that he's finally being faced to force reality, and while it leaves Simon with a queasy feeling in his stomach, the kind that he despises, in the long run?

It's for the best.]

Sorry.

[For drifting, and surprisingly, for the loss as well.

Simon handles the hose and soap nervously, placing one in his right and the other in his left respectively. This is harder than it looks, especially because he doesn't wish to spray anything unnecessarily, for fear that he may ruin their alliance all of a sudden.

With the suds, Simon is meticulous. His nose curls as observes the dirty drip down the other's massive wings and shoulders, although he continues to move his hands in small, repetitive motions, leaving no spot untouched. The routine of this, the rhythmic motions and the clear visual progress, the act of watching something dirty become clean-]

How's that?

[Is mind-numbingly pleasurable.]

Edited 2021-06-04 04:20 (UTC)

_{[ If she were still alive, I'd want to go back too. That's what he almost says, but he's still a little bit too closed up to word it like that yet. Besides, feeling those hands smooth over the dips and rises of his muscles and then along the membranes of his wings.. it's very relaxing. Why is it always more relaxing when someone else does it? It was easy to just close his eyes and fade away for a moment. He doesn't even notice the small, slow but repetitive wag of his tail nor the bellowing noise that sounds like a brief purr. It's Simon's question that breaks him out of his moment of bliss. He snorts. ]}

Yeah, that was nice.

_{[ If they were in a closer friendship, he's turn around and insist that Simon do the same thing on his chest, but since they're not at that stage yet.. Akira reluctantly stands back up and folds his wings against his back, taking the soap and hose and switching positions. He doesn't give Simon any warning; he simply transforms back to his human form and settles a palm on Simon's shoulder to steady him. ]}

Your turn.

[Other than with Grace, Simon has rarely had any opportunities to make anyone else experience a simple joy in this way, and in all honesty? It's not as though he's wanted to. Usually the selfish type, he finds himself surprised by the satisfaction it brings him.

Is... Is Demon!Akira's tail wagging? Oh no, oh no no no... That's adorable.]

M-my turn?

[Simon is whisked around without warning, and to make matters worse, it's Akira's human form that's holding him steady. He is no stranger to touch, as the very nature of physical contact soothes him, but in this situation there's little to no clothing involved and Akira will be the first non-parental figure to put his hands all over Simon's bare back. W-wait! What's going on here? That's, wh... Kinda... soRTA-]

Uhhhh, have at it, big guy!

[s e x y

Embarrassed and now with a face the color of a cherry tomato, Simon awkwardly offers the other teen an all too sheepish thumbs up. Thank goodness his back is turned.]

_{[ Akira just kind of stares at him and the two little thumbs that go up. Man. This guy is so fucking weird. In any case, something about it makes Akira chuckle— it's very brief and light, but the relaxing atmosphere has made it easier for him to laugh. He scrubs at his friend's back with the bar of soap, letting it bubble up and lather over the pale skin. Apparently there's no sun in weird train worlds Akira gathers. He makes circular motions and swipes water over the places he's cleansed. ]}

See? It's fun.

_{[ He's washing Simon's lower back now. Not thinking anything of it. Just allowing those suds and water to run down those porcelain asscheeks. Before you know it, it's over and Akira goes back to rinsing and washing himself. ]}

Finished. We can soak in the bath part now.

Hrrrgh...

[The hairs on the back of Simon's neck bristle, an instinctive reaction to being touched by anyone who isn't Grace or a child underling, though the latter usually opts for a tug on the sleeve as opposed to an actual backpat. The growl he just let out is merely an overly aggressive reaction to what he's really experiencing, which is a wildly tingly feeling at the base of his stomach. Bathing friends may be normal for Akira, but for Simon, this is the first time that he can ever remember any fingers gracing his bare back. He has yet to remove his towel, but the water somehow manages to drizzle under it, leaving him with a damp sensation that is entirely uncomfortable.]

Ugh.

[While Akira goes on to rinse himself, Simon finally yanks off the accursed piece of wet fabric and thoroughly submerges himself in the standing liquid, leaving only his face and the top of his shoulders visible.]

Yeah.

[Boy does he sound disgruntled.

Simon is also grateful that the water is warm enough to heat the body, though not enough to burn because... His pouty face is still completely red. It's the hot water. It has to be the hot water!!!]

I usually don't spent that much time in here.

Edited 2021-06-07 02:31 (UTC)

_{[ Once Akira has rinsed himself off, he joins Simon, not allowing too much space between them even though they have plenty of room to spread out. He just didn't think anything of it since the baths back home are usually crowded, so it's just natural for him to sit next to the person that is his company. There's an exhale of relief; his eyes have fanned shut and he seemed completely captivated by the water. Akira falls silent. Nothing is heard besides some trickle of water and his steady breathing. ]}

Oh.. yeah.. it's impolite to let your hair touch the water too, so don't completely submerge yourself.

_{[ He doesn't open his eyes when he says this, but the smallest smile is on his face again. He likes bath time, okay. ]}

You should spend more time here. It might relax you a little.

Edited 2021-06-09 16:03 (UTC)

[There is a brief moment of silence between them, as Simon is distracted by the serenity of Akira's expression. This is the happiest the demon boy has been since they've both arrived here, and while Akira had been excited to talk about his powers and vanquishing enemies, this is such a calm tranquility, and so very different than that.

Simon doesn't make the connection as self awareness is not really his strong suit, but Akira looks... Well, for a lack of better words, beautiful.]

R-really? But mine's so long, I uh, o-oh...

[Simon turns away, running a hand over his head, feeling even more timid all of a sudden. He wants to admit something and talk about how relaxing is difficult for him, especially without his normal hobbies or even the comforting or wily nature of his best friend.

It is here that Simon comes upon a horrifying realization- What has he been able too do without Grace? Since they've met, even when he's made an intelligent tactical decision or led the Apex to victory, she had always been by his side.

That makes him feel like weeping, but he holds it in.]

...You think so?

[And then, quietly, as if it's under his breath-]

Would you come with me?

Edited (edits to make more gay) 2021-06-09 16:40 (UTC)

_{[ He peeps one eye open at that. ]}

You can tie it back up again. Just in case. I mean, I wouldn't want any of your hair to come off and get on other people in the water, right?

_{[ Right. That eye closes again and Akira shifts a little, his head lulling to one shoulder. ]}

You can at least try. Most people aren't good at it especially if they don't try. It's just human nature to worry. It's not that I don't worry, but I put myself in a space where I can relax cause it's healthy for you. A space like that is right now. I'm very relaxed.

Aren't you?

_{[ A pause, mulling over the question. ]}

I'm here now, right? So it would make sense to come with you here again.

Edited (typos ) 2021-06-09 17:00 (UTC)

[Simon awkwardly holds a clump of blond hair over his shoulder, desperately trying to follow the supposed rules of the naked pool party.]

Um, now that ya mention it...

[He too feels a sense of calm, nerves momentarily blighted by the warm water and the lack of clothing weighing him down. Sure, it's taken the nerdy boy a minute to stop worrying about the fact that his skin is completely bare and he's totally exposed to all the elements, naked and unprepared if a potential threat may dare to strike, but that's neither here nor there.

That and... Akira had vowed to protect him, didn't he?]

I think I am.

[Ooh boy, Simon can feel his cheeks burning. Thankfully, the other boy has said nothing about it.]

Cool, cool! 'Cause, like, being here is sorta nerve-wracking for me, when I'm on my own...

I know nobody probably cares, but! I just don't want someone weird to see me. I mean, I didn't even go to school past the fourth grade, so it's not like I'm used to puttin' it all out there before gym! Aha, hahaha...

_{[ Akira finally opens his eyes, but they open slowly, almost like he knows he's gonna regret this. He's breaking his serenity for talking about naked people with this nervous American. Why. ]}

It's just being naked, Simon. I understand where you're coming from if you're not confident about your body, but I don't understand if it has to do with how you're raised. It's just like this back home for me. But, I used to not be confident about myself at all and I would get shy at the bath house. I learned, though, if the people you're around don't mind, you shouldn't either. I'm sure you'll get accustomed to it if you bathe with people more often.

I would hate not going to school.

_{[ He's still bitter Satan had to go and encourage the apocalypse cause.. it put his academics on an indefinite hold. ]}

[Simon holds his breath, almost, unsure if the next few words should leave his lips. He's held them close to his chest for so many years now, buried them somewhere so deep within the dark recesses of his rotting heart, that he is now afraid to let them go.]

I was good at school. Used to be, anyway.

[Delivered in almost a whisper.

He recalls, the memory now faint and hazy, blurred by the test of time-]

School, numbers... It's the same deal. There are letter grades, scores... It's predictable. You crack the code, and then you're in. You pay attention and do the time and you're supposed to be okay.

[There was a stage with bright lights. Some older man bellowing over a loudspeaker. Simon had been so small the time that he had to stand on the tips of his toes sputtering into the microphone...

"Could you use it in a sentence?"]

But somehow I managed to blow even that.

[Losing the spelling bee, and in fact, coming in at second place instead of first, after all that work he'd done and joy he'd sacrificed?

It had given him his first bitter taste of something that he'd never forget, for as long as he lived- Defeat.]

'S not like I care. Not anymore.

Edited 2021-06-10 02:07 (UTC)

_{[ The way that Simon presents all of this.. Akira is thinking maybe he got expelled. Which, yeah, that would be really terrible.. and then there apparently is no school on the train. Akira doesn't even question what could have happened because it couldn't be anything else, right? ]}

Shit. That sounds terrible. I'm sorry. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to me. I probably couldn't forgive myself.

_{[ A pause as he thinks over that last part. ]}

Yeah, that's probably the best option to just not care anymore.

_{[ says mr depresso espresso that doesn't care about shit ]}

[The sympathy is nice, surprisingly, and it doesn't fall on deaf ears. It occurs to Simon that after all these years, he still hasn't forgiven himself for losing that day. There was a point in time where he had come close, when he had just wanted nothing more than to go home and have another shot at things.

And then he had been abandoned.]

Sounds like that's what you've been doin'.

[Watching others, people who he can clearly see as separate from himself, make mistakes is... Well, something new. Grace isn't Simon, sure, but she and the Apex feel like extensions of his own identity at this point, so that distance is hard to establish.

With time however, even in the short while he has spent here, Simon unknowingly has stumbled upon hints of clarity.]

Listen. I don't know you that well, and... I'm not gonna pretend like I do.

But isn't it better to feel, I dunno, something? Even if it's anger, or hatred...

I just know I don't like this. The... Emptiness.

[It's why he is the way he is. Always searching for something to do, someone to fight, or even some kind of puzzle to solve.]

It gets better when I spend time with you, but then it just comes back again.

Hmm..

_{[ Akira idly draws his fingers along the surface of the water, trying to think of why that could be. It hits him a lot quicker than it should and he looks over at Simon. ]}

It's.. probably because I felt that way when I had everything taken from me at first, but time has lapsed since then so I've just become.. comfortably numb. Yeah. It does bite. You probably still know that your life is waiting for you back home, whereas me..

It's all gone and there's nothing I can do about it, so I can't help but feel this way... I have no option but to dwell day after day on how I could have changed things and maybe saved people and how much of a failure I am.

_{[ Akira takes in one of his shaking breaths, trying to ease any horrific memories out of his mind. ]}

I don't even know why you bother being my friend so much. I must be such awful company. I'm grateful, I really am.. but I think I'm still just so.. scared.

[Simon's eyes widen at that. Akira's words provide him with two things: Hope and a reluctant explanation. He should know better than to hold onto anything as foolish as that, but for a child who has always had one foot in reality and the other in a fantasy realm of his own creation, it's just enough of a scrap of affection to keep him clinging on.]

But you're not.

Awful, that is...

[Spoken by someone who knows. Wicked, wretched, these are all words one could use to describe Simon Laurent at his very core. Wheeling nulls has become something of a habit by now, as he's carelessly tossed so many creatures over the edge, but it wasn't always easy.

There was a time when it had felt, well, bad. And somehow, suddenly, he is reminded of it.

No.]

You're just sad.

[There is something cathartic about being around someone else whose sadness is so palpable, so tangible, so innate. Simon's troubles are usually quieted by an all too convenient explanation from Grace or some other preoccupation, but they never really talk. Not like this, not often.

And never for very long.]

You're still tryin' to help people even though it hurts.

[The words are uttered with confusion.]

I'm sorry.

[Simon says, without a drop of insincerity. For once, he has nothing to gain from this. Being surrounded by other people and gods and goblins, individuals who all need to figure things out... It's been eye-opening.]

I wish there was more I could do for ya. But I'm just a normal guy, so...

Bein' your friend is all I've got to offer.

I don't just help anyone. I don't like to help people anymore.. unless..

_{[ Akira trails off for a moment, tucking in his lower lip and nibbling on it as his eyes watch the water. This is a rough conversation to have, but because he's been vulnerable with Simon before, it makes it easier to be vulnerable again. ]}

Unless I feel like they're actually worth it.. and won't do anything wrong to me.

_{[ He finally pulls his dark eyes from the water to look over at Simon properly. ]}

Something about me made you really interested in me though. I just don't understand why, but.. thanks for not hurting me.

I don't think I could, even if I wanted to.

[Even for someone as wretched as Simon, that sort of thanks is uncomfortable. He's surmised thus far that being a demon has made him terrifying to humankind, and somehow the apocalypse had led to the entire human race turning on each other. The Infinity Train is not a kind place, but even so, as fucked up as their relationship is, Simon has always had Grace. He isn't aware of how tenuous and fragile their bond really is, and so he feels sympathy for the other boy.]

Uh-huh, Earth to demon boy, isn't it obvious? You're like the only other kid here.

[Simon may hate being referred to as a child by adults, especially when it's used to put him down, but in tender moments like these, he has the tendency to unwittingly reveal the truth.]

And I needed a friend, I've always needed-

[A friend. Love. Human connection.

Unfortunately, every taste he's had in his life thus far has been tainted. Poisonous.

What's worse is that he doesn't even know.]

I've also never met anyone else who was as sad as I am. Life's been hard for Grace too, but... Somehow she's always looks like she's havin' an easier time with it than I do.

Don't you just wish you could wake up one morning and suddenly feel okay?

_{[ Akira was a person of self sufficiency but that's only another side effect of Amon. Before that, he relied on Miki. In a way, he understands, but it's not something he can understand by feeling anymore. All he ever focused on was survival for himself and the human race because that was the right thing to do.

As Simon speaks, Akira turns his palms upward from beneath the waters surface, curving his fingers inward, pushing out his claws and looking at them. ]}

I don't want to feel okay.
I just want the people that actually matter to be okay.

How I feel shouldn't matter.

_{[ I probably deserve it for being a failure.
Although the way he talks is very confident without a beat or shake in his breath, tears pool over his eyes and his lashes fan shut the blink them away. He felt a lot of pressure all over his body from being in so much anguish— as if Amon could engulf him and possess him entirely any moment, but miraculously, he seems extremely calm. He's had his moments in the past to let out his anger when thinking about all of this. So much, he's not sure if he has any more anger to express. ]}

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i'm laughing why is he so awkward

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