incelligent | IC INBOX; POLYMYTHOS

_{[ The way that Simon presents all of this.. Akira is thinking maybe he got expelled. Which, yeah, that would be really terrible.. and then there apparently is no school on the train. Akira doesn't even question what could have happened because it couldn't be anything else, right? ]}

Shit. That sounds terrible. I'm sorry. I don't know what I would do if something like that happened to me. I probably couldn't forgive myself.

_{[ A pause as he thinks over that last part. ]}

Yeah, that's probably the best option to just not care anymore.

_{[ says mr depresso espresso that doesn't care about shit ]}

[The sympathy is nice, surprisingly, and it doesn't fall on deaf ears. It occurs to Simon that after all these years, he still hasn't forgiven himself for losing that day. There was a point in time where he had come close, when he had just wanted nothing more than to go home and have another shot at things.

And then he had been abandoned.]

Sounds like that's what you've been doin'.

[Watching others, people who he can clearly see as separate from himself, make mistakes is... Well, something new. Grace isn't Simon, sure, but she and the Apex feel like extensions of his own identity at this point, so that distance is hard to establish.

With time however, even in the short while he has spent here, Simon unknowingly has stumbled upon hints of clarity.]

Listen. I don't know you that well, and... I'm not gonna pretend like I do.

But isn't it better to feel, I dunno, something? Even if it's anger, or hatred...

I just know I don't like this. The... Emptiness.

[It's why he is the way he is. Always searching for something to do, someone to fight, or even some kind of puzzle to solve.]

It gets better when I spend time with you, but then it just comes back again.

Hmm..

_{[ Akira idly draws his fingers along the surface of the water, trying to think of why that could be. It hits him a lot quicker than it should and he looks over at Simon. ]}

It's.. probably because I felt that way when I had everything taken from me at first, but time has lapsed since then so I've just become.. comfortably numb. Yeah. It does bite. You probably still know that your life is waiting for you back home, whereas me..

It's all gone and there's nothing I can do about it, so I can't help but feel this way... I have no option but to dwell day after day on how I could have changed things and maybe saved people and how much of a failure I am.

_{[ Akira takes in one of his shaking breaths, trying to ease any horrific memories out of his mind. ]}

I don't even know why you bother being my friend so much. I must be such awful company. I'm grateful, I really am.. but I think I'm still just so.. scared.

[Simon's eyes widen at that. Akira's words provide him with two things: Hope and a reluctant explanation. He should know better than to hold onto anything as foolish as that, but for a child who has always had one foot in reality and the other in a fantasy realm of his own creation, it's just enough of a scrap of affection to keep him clinging on.]

But you're not.

Awful, that is...

[Spoken by someone who knows. Wicked, wretched, these are all words one could use to describe Simon Laurent at his very core. Wheeling nulls has become something of a habit by now, as he's carelessly tossed so many creatures over the edge, but it wasn't always easy.

There was a time when it had felt, well, bad. And somehow, suddenly, he is reminded of it.

No.]

You're just sad.

[There is something cathartic about being around someone else whose sadness is so palpable, so tangible, so innate. Simon's troubles are usually quieted by an all too convenient explanation from Grace or some other preoccupation, but they never really talk. Not like this, not often.

And never for very long.]

You're still tryin' to help people even though it hurts.

[The words are uttered with confusion.]

I'm sorry.

[Simon says, without a drop of insincerity. For once, he has nothing to gain from this. Being surrounded by other people and gods and goblins, individuals who all need to figure things out... It's been eye-opening.]

I wish there was more I could do for ya. But I'm just a normal guy, so...

Bein' your friend is all I've got to offer.

I don't just help anyone. I don't like to help people anymore.. unless..

_{[ Akira trails off for a moment, tucking in his lower lip and nibbling on it as his eyes watch the water. This is a rough conversation to have, but because he's been vulnerable with Simon before, it makes it easier to be vulnerable again. ]}

Unless I feel like they're actually worth it.. and won't do anything wrong to me.

_{[ He finally pulls his dark eyes from the water to look over at Simon properly. ]}

Something about me made you really interested in me though. I just don't understand why, but.. thanks for not hurting me.

I don't think I could, even if I wanted to.

[Even for someone as wretched as Simon, that sort of thanks is uncomfortable. He's surmised thus far that being a demon has made him terrifying to humankind, and somehow the apocalypse had led to the entire human race turning on each other. The Infinity Train is not a kind place, but even so, as fucked up as their relationship is, Simon has always had Grace. He isn't aware of how tenuous and fragile their bond really is, and so he feels sympathy for the other boy.]

Uh-huh, Earth to demon boy, isn't it obvious? You're like the only other kid here.

[Simon may hate being referred to as a child by adults, especially when it's used to put him down, but in tender moments like these, he has the tendency to unwittingly reveal the truth.]

And I needed a friend, I've always needed-

[A friend. Love. Human connection.

Unfortunately, every taste he's had in his life thus far has been tainted. Poisonous.

What's worse is that he doesn't even know.]

I've also never met anyone else who was as sad as I am. Life's been hard for Grace too, but... Somehow she's always looks like she's havin' an easier time with it than I do.

Don't you just wish you could wake up one morning and suddenly feel okay?

_{[ Akira was a person of self sufficiency but that's only another side effect of Amon. Before that, he relied on Miki. In a way, he understands, but it's not something he can understand by feeling anymore. All he ever focused on was survival for himself and the human race because that was the right thing to do.

As Simon speaks, Akira turns his palms upward from beneath the waters surface, curving his fingers inward, pushing out his claws and looking at them. ]}

I don't want to feel okay.
I just want the people that actually matter to be okay.

How I feel shouldn't matter.

_{[ I probably deserve it for being a failure.
Although the way he talks is very confident without a beat or shake in his breath, tears pool over his eyes and his lashes fan shut the blink them away. He felt a lot of pressure all over his body from being in so much anguish— as if Amon could engulf him and possess him entirely any moment, but miraculously, he seems extremely calm. He's had his moments in the past to let out his anger when thinking about all of this. So much, he's not sure if he has any more anger to express. ]}

How you feel does matter.

[He resists the urge to reach out, mostly because they are super naked so that would be pretty weird. Simon tries to replicate those intentions with his voice, which is firm, direct, and surprisingly gentle.]

You can want the people you love to be safe and still be hurting too. That's... Life! It hurts. A lot! All the time.

It's normal.

[The blond shakes his head, catching a glimpse of those tears.]

You can cry, y'know.

I won't tell anybody.

[As much as Simon would like to forget, he does remember. Hell, he cried when he touched down on this very island.]

I don't cry.

_{[ He used to always cry but he doesn't anymore.. but it isn't for any toxic masc reason that we all may be thinking of. The tears are gone in an instant and he opens his eyes. ]}

I cried everything out of me about two years ago. I don't think I can ever cry that hard again. I'm all dried up.

_{[ A pause. ]}

... Yeah. I guess I do want the people I care about to be safe. Old habits die hard.

_{[ Which is indirectly saying he cares about you, Mr. Ratfink. ]}

[When Akira states that he doesn't cry, all Simon can think is that to some degree, he desperately relates. After bawling his eyes out one too many times between the ages of ten through twelve, he had sworn to move forward and grow into someone admirable and strong. The kind of person who could survive in the wilderness and hold his own...

Unfortunately, he just grew up to be an incel.]

Pfft, right.

[Simon's expression changes drastically, his mouth twisting to form a thin line and tone of voice dropping. The slimy fool is too dense to realize that he too is included in that umbrella of people whom Akira happens to care for.]

Your weird friend is here.

He is, but I don't have a pact with him, Simon.

_{[ Nope, not gonna outright say it. ]}

My association with him is complicated.

_{[ He's a special case. Definitely. ]}

I care about him, but when I first got here, I almost killed him. I can honestly say I'm not sure what to do about him, but I acted out in aggression. I'm deciding to approach him more carefully for now.

[ok so he's just gonna make a mental note that murder is on the table if he pisses akira off which... honestly for simon is a perfectly and supposedly Sane and Reasonable thing to do!!! if someone pisses you off > they bcum an enema or an enemy > and an enemy is a threat 2 b vanquished

#fatality]

Well, whatever happened between you two...

[nO SIMON!!! N O]

He seems to have some pretty strong feelings for ya.

[simon is counting on the fact that akira has a rock-like skull when it comes 2 some things lmfao bc... he doesn't want to get in trouble with the other evil blond]

We're childhood friends— of course he does.

_{[ and then they were room mates.
Akira wrinkles his nose and makes a face, recalling how Ryo acted when he first talked to Miki when he came looking for Akira. ]}

Simon, have you been talking to him? I warned you about him.

[That causes Simon to take some pause. On one hand, he'd agree, yet on the other? It sucks being the one with Feelings feelings.]

Cool it.

[His half-hearted response seems to imply that he doesn't think too highly of the Actual Devil of whom they speak.]

Spendin' time with that guy is like tryin' to chat up a wet blanket with long eyelashes... If the blanket were also somehow really mean.

And, I would know? I've talked to one. Uh... It's another weird train thing.

[there's gotta be a wet blanket denizen out there]

I can't say I like the guy, but I do feel kinda bad for him.

He totally misses you.

No, I won't cool it. He's dangerous. Extremely so. He just doesn't realize it. Even so, he still has threatened people that I care about before.

_{[ Ah. There's the hint again. ]}

Do whatever you want, but don't be upset if he ends up hurting you. And..

_{[ Akira takes in a sudden breath, though his voice is straying from remaining its usual calm and cold demeanor. He sounds a lot more prickly. ]}

H.. He doesn't deserve being my friend anymore. He deserves to die, but I can't find myself killing him. Not when he can't remember who he is and what he's done. He can have a fair fight with me. I guess he deserves at least that.

[Simon watches that bizarre myriad of emotions, slightly curious, but not enough to pry too harshly. His eyes narrow when Akira mentions Ryo's ruthless nature,]

Yeah.

[There's an air of confirmation to that one syllable.]

He seems like the type.

[Takes one to know one.]

Whatever he does, or doesn't do... I don't really give a hoot.

I've just got a feeling that he'd do anything to be close to you.

[He quirks a thin eyebrow upwards.]

And if he's a traitor, well...

Then he's lost that right.

Exactly. He has.

_{[ cue little scheming simon ratfink squeaking amirite ]}

I almost wish he would be conscious of his true power. That way I can fairly fight him.. and fairly tear him limb from limb.

_{[ OH ... just look at that snarl.. ]}

At the same time, we grew up together. We've always been friends. I have wondered if there is a way I could help him, but even so and I decide to spare him, things will never be the same between us. Not anymore.

[...That talk sets a few gears in motion.

It should speak to how selfish Simon is at his core that he perks up at this, despite the fact that Ryo's life is on the line. Perhaps it's true that the other blond has been nothing but demeaning and cruel towards him, but that doesn't warrant death, now does it?

Well, sure. And yet if that were to happen, say, by another hand...]

...Never?

[Now. It certainly wouldn't be Simon's fault.]

Edited 2021-06-18 03:40 (UTC)

_{[ Simon out here asking all the hard questions. "Never?" Akira has to wait for a moment to actually think about that. Could things really go back to the way they were? Akira's bitter and still grieving, but his answer seems pretty straight forward. Simon deserves an explanation at least. ]}

His deceitfulness is what indirectly lead everyone I love to their deaths. Yes, even the person I loved as a romance.

Things can't go back to normal after something like that, but I also think he is truly innocent in this situation here.. so it makes me confronting him very difficult.

[When he opens his mind to it, Simon is the type of person who absorbs information like a sponge... Provided that whatever the metaphorical liquid consists of is to his liking.]

Well, that's his problem.

[The words come so quickly, as if spat out.]

The people you love are everything.

[He says this not because he is a giving or kind fellow, oh no. Years of tacking teeny band-aids over the kind of emotional wounds that gape and rot have left him ill. So sick that without the person whose visage has stood at the center of his mind's eye, over addressing his own problems or answering all those painful questions, he can't comprehend a life worth living at all.]

He destroyed what was most important to you.

[Simon's eyes narrow, words rife with disbelief.]

And you're still lettin' him live!

[And like any monster with a voracious appetite, born from wickedness or anything else-]

That's more than enough.

_{[ By the sounds of it, it seems Simon might have loved (or currently loves) someone. Akira heaves out a sigh. He's a rather level headed person when it comes to keeping calm, but every once in awhile he has to continue to restrain himself.. especially with Amon's aggressive behavior mingling with his. ]}

... Yeah. You're right. It is more than enough.
I guess for some reason something is holding me back from actually killing him. I don't know what. I wouldn't hesitant to kill anyone else who hurt Miki-chan. I do think, though, Ryo should have a chance to live until he comes into his power. That's what I've decided. Or..

_{[ Or.. ]}

Unless he hurts someone I care about.

_{[ Looking directly at Simon now. Please get a clue. ]}

[Simon blankly stares back, gaze unwavering. So what, this is a staring contest now? Why is Akira looking at him.

sobs he still didn't get it]

...Wait, what are his powers anyway?

I heard he was responsible for the Earth, well, your Earth, goin' kablooey-

[doN'T ALKLDJSF MENTION THE APOCALYPSE SO CASUALLY SIMON!!!]

But how did he do that, exactly?

_{[ well since we are gonna describe them apocalypse as KABLOOEY.. ]}

He’s Satan, Simon. An archangel that rebelled against God and made an army out of other rebellious, fallen angels. Ryo doesn’t know his identity yet I’ve realized.. and I don’t know how he remembers who he is which is why I haven’t even mentioned the name in front of him.

Do not tell him, or you could jeopardize all of us.

_{[ this is heavy ]}

His powers are close to mine. After all, demons and fallen angels are similar. He can regenerate and shoot powerful beams from his body. However, his greatest power is his charisma to charm and deceive. His heart is cold towards humans once he discovers who he is and wants them eradicated so he can claim Earth.

He also looks much different in his true form with twelve sparkling wings and a different body.

_{[ aka he has like a C cup probably ]}

He did it by telling the world as a demonologist expert that anyone could be a demon and should be destroyed before they reach their demon form. This fearmongering tactic made humans turn on each other.

Edited 2021-06-30 03:37 (UTC)

I'm not gonna tell him anything.

[It's a lot of information, sounding much like the kind you'd read as backstory within a meaty novel, something classical with tiny print, boring and unrelatable to someone with a low attention span for things like philosophy or complex thought. Simon hasn't really done his fair share of questioning- It seems unnecessary. Why doubt what you've always known as undoubtedly, indubitably, the right way?]

So he's the devil himself? But as of right now, he doesn't know.

[He remains tight lipped, but inwardly, the gears do begin to turn. A lot of bits and pieces of what Ryo's told him here and there start adding up. His father had probably tried to kill him because of who he really was, and while that would be traumatic for any person, Simon only allows himself to feel even the tiniest sliver of empathy for those he sees fit, and even then the mark is often missed by a longshot.

That does still leave Simon with a few questions though- Was Ryo really in love with Akira? Or was whatever he was experiencing some kind of innate magnetic attraction, merely a facet of his true self that he was largely unaware of?

Look who's already making excuses.]

Could've called that one.

[meaning: ryo is just an asshole, news at 11]

I almost feel sorry for the guy.

[Spoken with no emotion. Almost is the key word.]

Could you? What are you, a Satan expert?

_{[ this line is so funny and so 80's...
In any case, Akira heaves out a sigh. Mostly from relief. it's been nice to air out all of this stuff to someone who doesn't think he's crazy. ]}

... Me too. But.. I've always been someone who thought how important justice is.. you'd think I'd want to kill him right away, but.. I've explained myself. I don't think it's fair.. and I do feel sorry for him cause he doesn't know who and what he is.

_{[ A pause. He settles his hand on Simon's shoulder. ]}

Hey. Thanks for coming out here with me.. and listening to me.. and just being a friend to me. I think you know how apprehensive and wary I was about opening up to someone else, but it's been relieving.

_{[ yeah that's right he said the "F" word ]}

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i can't believe simon laurent is speaking words that actually make a whole lot of fucking sense smh

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