SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

[incelligent]

I've got a question.

CONFIRM/DENY:

Horny (adj.) The state of having or possessing horns, somewhere on the person of someone or something.
Example: That big ol' rhinocerous right there? He's one horny guy.

P.S. Horn (n.) Not to be mistaken for a horned instrument. Think 👿 not 🎺
P.P.S. A rhinocerous or "rhino" for short is a mammal with thick skin and ivory tusks (horns) found in specific regions of my home world. For those of you who may not know what they are, here's a picture for reference. See what I mean? Big horny guys!

[*This post is open for anyone and all voicetesting! Take it as an old Meadowlark network post with the simon.laurent handle, or anywhere on the interdimensional interwebs. Love you all! Hope you're staying safe.]

Comments

[incelligent]

Charmed? There's nothing charmed about bein' a slave to someone else.

[unkindled_madness]

I'm referring to those who've been able to depend on others to take care of them. That dependency, for them, isn't a prison.

[He thinks maybe this is what parents are supposed to do, but he wouldn't know.]

[incelligent]

What, you don't have any friends?

[unkindled_madness]

Certainly not by that definition.

[Like he's going to rely on Zack for anything personal.

...would have. Like he would have relied on Zack for...]

And, not here.

[incelligent]

That's just sad.

[Even Simon, though um, disaster and catastrophe sure bonds you to whoever happens to be readily available.]

Everybody's got at least one ride or die! Unless you grew up in a petri dish or somethin'.

[He's heard weirder.]

[unkindled_madness]

[...petri dish is weirdly in the right vein there, Simon.]

"Ride or die"?

[incelligent]

Y'know, your bestie! Your numero uno?

[It is just so horrible that he is using NONE of these terms ironically...]

Your person, basically.

[unkindled_madness]

A trusted friend, you mean.

Why do you assume everyone has one?

[incelligent]

'Cause if you don't you're a weirdo?

I'm pretty sure that's how people become supervillains.

[the dramatic Irony in this statement i-]

And even they've got their loyal henchies!

[Henchmen. Just say henchmen! Then again... Henchpeople? Henchies does seem fairly gender neutral.]

[unkindled_madness]

[Wow he knows he's weird but--]

So now I'm a supervillain.

Noted.

[Sephiroth no.]

[incelligent]

Well, you do kinda have the name for it...

[HE IS JOKING...]

Sorry. Was that, like, mean?

I still think it's a cool name, for the record.

[unkindled_madness]

I suppose it saves me the trouble of changing it.

[He is... also joking...]

[incelligent]

What would you even change it to? What's another name that starts with S...

[He thinks, for a moment.]

...Sam? Oh, heck no. You're hearin' it too, right?

Sephiroth is way cooler.

[unkindled_madness]

Shinra?

[lol]

And one would think heroes ought to have the grandest names.

[incelligent]

Yeah, I see what you're sayin', buuuuut...

Now that you mention it, they usually sound pretty boring. I mean, King Arthur? Like yeah, the whole sword in the stone bit is pretty sweet, you got me there...

But the name leaves a little somethin' to be desired. I'm pretty sure there was an Arthur in my kindergarten class and all he did was eat paint all day.

[unkindled_madness]

And would you rather be Alfred or the Dragon King Valvados?

Still, perhaps I should be careful now of noble-hearted people whose names begin with A.

[incelligent]

Is that even a question? Definitely the Dragon King!

Who wouldn't want to have an arsenal of fire-breathing mythical creatures at his every beck and call? I'd totally take on the kooky name if it meant also havin' access to all of that. Plus, it's the kinda name you'd never forget!

Sounds like a win-win to me.

[unkindled_madness]

Valvados himself is a dragon, actually.

[He would have also pointed out that dragons aren't mythical, but he's come to the conclusion that they're long extinct on Earth. People here do seem to think they're mythical.]

Although some versions of the story have it that he's in fact a cursed princess... It always seemed to me a rather clumsy way of forcing a happy ending for all the characters involved.

[incelligent]

So he's just a pretty girl trapped in a dragon's body?

Yeah, that seems like a major cop-out.

[There are dragons on the Train, too, though technically they're also nulls.

So not real, according to Grace and Simon.]

[unkindled_madness]

Exactly.

If he's to be the villain, then let him be a villain. It's only a story, so it can be that clear-cut.

[incelligent]

Also, why does he need to be a girl for us to feel sorry for him?

Guys have plenty of bad days, too.

[unkindled_madness]

Oh.

I think the author was simply narrow-minded. In that version, the former dragon king winds up with Alfred.

But you may have a point.

[incelligent]

Wait, huh?

[HOLD ON THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION-]

So the boys both end up together?

[...Not a judgment just.

A slow realization that is um. A possibility.]

Like they're the ones tying the knot? Or, ridin' into the sunset, meep

[why is he blushing aSLFJ]

Whichever.

[unkindled_madness]

Well, at that point Valvados is a princess.

But there's no reason she couldn't have been a prince.

1/2

[incelligent]

[]