SHITPOSTx20; OPEN

[incelligent]

I've got a question.

CONFIRM/DENY:

Horny (adj.) The state of having or possessing horns, somewhere on the person of someone or something.
Example: That big ol' rhinocerous right there? He's one horny guy.

P.S. Horn (n.) Not to be mistaken for a horned instrument. Think 👿 not 🎺
P.P.S. A rhinocerous or "rhino" for short is a mammal with thick skin and ivory tusks (horns) found in specific regions of my home world. For those of you who may not know what they are, here's a picture for reference. See what I mean? Big horny guys!

[*This post is open for anyone and all voicetesting! Take it as an old Meadowlark network post with the simon.laurent handle, or anywhere on the interdimensional interwebs. Love you all! Hope you're staying safe.]

Comments

[incelligent]

Why would the link have anything to do with fur?

[doesnotcumpute]

Everybody knows that rhinos aren't furry.

At least, everybody who knows what a rhino is.

[ishotyouuu]

listen u mention horny rhinos and theres only two ways people can interpret that

and i guarantee u that 70% of the time their minds are going straight in the gutter

just how that kind of thing works in this age of the internet

[incelligent]

Two?

But... Rhinos have horns, so therefore... They're horny creatures.

What's the other one?

[ishotyouuu]

wait do u really have no idea

[You sweet summer child you don't know what you've wrought.]

[incelligent]

Uuuuuh

[Blinks once, blinks twice-]

No?

[ishotyouuu]

[How does he phrase this as delicately as possible--]

Horny means you wanna fuck, bruh

[By not being delicate at all, apparently.]

[incelligent]

[That's probably the best way to do it.]

B-but then why use that word?

[Simon.exe is processing-]

Is it... Because of the shape?

[OF WHAT SIMON

OF WHAT???]

Since both are slight variations of a cylinder...

[ishotyouuu]

got it in one

dudes used 2 call it having the horn when they were turned on

4 obvious reasons

after a while it got changed 2 just horny and now it applies 2 ppl of all genders, not just dudes

[He totally didn't get drunk and Google this one day, honest.]

[incelligent]

So like a blanket statement?

Well, okay.

[...Now that at least there's some logical correlation, he quiets a bit.]

I guess I should really stop callin' people that if they've got horns on their head.

[ishotyouuu]

probably save u some awkwardness, yeah

unless u think theyre hot of course ;D

[incelligent]

Aaaand why do I get the feeling that's a bad idea?

[ishotyouuu]

hey now this is me ur talkin 2

i only ever have good ideas

[incelligent]

If it's such a good idea, then what's your success rate like?

*Please note: I am requesting it in the form of an approximate percentage.

[ishotyouuu]

hey now

u cant exactly quantify perfection

[incelligent]

But you're single.

[SIMON!!!!!!! DON'T REMIND HIM]

Unless you've got a girlfriend who's, like, invisible or somethin'

[ishotyouuu]

Well yeah.

Catching their attention is the easy part.

Keeping them around is a whole different story.

[Not to mention that death always wins out in the end.]

[incelligent]

But you're a great guy.

[And for once, Simon means that when he says it.

In earnest.]

[ishotyouuu]

Hang out with me for long enough and see if that opinion stays the same.

[Uhh... can we get back to the jokes now or...?]

[incelligent]

Do you... Wanna talk about it?

[ishotyouuu]

nah its fine

u dont wanna hear my sob story

kind of a weird jump from talking abt horny animals dont u think

[Nice deflection, Wade.]

[incelligent]

Well, you've listened to me go on and on about my problems, so...

[He has no idea what he's getting into.]

If you ever feel up for it, I guess I could give it a shot.